I am a dog, born 4 September 2012. A Malshi, but my features are more maltese than shih tzu. I was black all over with a tiny white beard but now I’m getting white hairs too!!

My hobbies are sleeping, gnashing my mistresses clothes (cashmere is my favourite), attaching myself to my mistresses foot and doing unmentionable things with a ladybird cushion.

I also like playing with my toys and my favourite is Mr. Pig. He is my sidekick.

If you read this, you must promise not to let my humans know that I can read and write. I have a cushy number at home-all I have to do is sit and cock my head to one side and my mistress coos at me. If she finds out I’ll be on Channel 5 before you can say ‘Boo! Did you have to go there??!!?’.

So…’..let the wild rumpus begin..’…